This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
