I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
