WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
