I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just found puke in my bra..
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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