i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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