I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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