he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
