did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
