so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
