Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
