i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
