dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
