I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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