2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I wish they made helmets for livers.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
