i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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