it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
