I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
