party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
