It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
BRING THE BAGELS
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
