Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
