I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
