Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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