just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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