You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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