He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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