my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
