Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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