Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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