I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
