Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
