She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
