You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
