Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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