I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize