I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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