If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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