I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
