next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
