my vag is so smooth its legendary
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
