I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
