PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
