i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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