im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
