her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
