i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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