Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
