i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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