i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
