no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
