Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
