you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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