Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
