Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I want a musical about memes.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
