aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize