she was so not down for the gang bang
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
