none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
