O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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