wrigley field is MILF paradise
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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