you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
