Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
