and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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