I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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