you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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