Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
