when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
