I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
