WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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